Now where was I? Oh yea. Luck.
Boy, have I been lucky for most of my life. Despite the car accidents, the relationship crashes and even heart surgery, I was lucky to have even a fraction of the relationships I had, to survive the car wrecks and then to wake up from open heart surgery.
What needs to be said now is that I can no longer rely on luck. You get to a certain age where you should know what you’re doing right and doing wrong. You can still be lucky because life will always be full of mistakes. But, dumb luck is not to be relied on.
From 15 to 23 was mostly dumb luck. For the next 10 years I’m sure I had my share of luck. No doubt. But, that was a time when my eyes were opening. I got married at 31 and had a son at 33. At the time it was later than most, but by today’s standards it’s probably becoming the norm. Unlike today’s standards we did it right. We were both working and bought our first house before we had our son. Does anyone even do that anymore?
Anyway, what a great time. I highly recommend marriage, home ownership and children. In that order. That wasn’t luck. Well, I suppose I could have been really stupid and had children at 16. But I know how babies are made, so I didn’t make any. But I digress…
So… no longer blind luck. I was married and had a son. Time to grow up. Sort of. You know what’s great about having kids? If you’re paying attention at all, to anything other than your own pathetic self, they will teach you how to be a kid again. And not only that. They teach you how to be a parent. But you have to be all-in. When you’re with them, be with them. When you’re working, be working.
It’s work/life “integration.” Not work/life “balance.” No. You can’t “have it all.” There is no balance. It will tip from one side to the other constantly. Just be the one doing the tipping. Be fully to one side or the other. No in between. Kids don’t understand that. And they shouldn’t have to. Ever. (Yea, there’s some gray area. Deal with it. Don’t burden your kids with it.)
When you’re playing with them, play with them. When you’re helping them clean their room, help them clean their room. When you’re done they will see the difference between work and play. What it means and why it matters. And how cool it is to have an orgaized room. Maybe their life can be that way. They’ll see that it’s not that hard to do and why you can’t have one without the other. Lead by example. Not words and lectures. Hell, YOU can’t do half the shit you’re yelling at them for. Honestly. They will teach you how to be a better person then you were before. Have some humility and let them teach you to be a better person.
When I started writing this post I had really no idea where it was going. So, there you go.
Good luck (haha) and have a great day!
#WhoWasFaith
P.S.
Literally, less than 5 minutes after posting this I saw the following on one of my social media feeds.
” People grow up when they get married. It is probably better to get married when you are young because then you grow up. And then what else matures people? I have met very few people who have fully matured who do not have children. I think there is a reason for that, a real technical reason. You are not mature until someone else matters more than you — period. Maybe that will be your wife or your husband, but probably not. They might matter as much as you, and maybe that is the right amount. But when you have children, they matter more than you, unless there is something seriously wrong with you. Very few parents, if push came to shove, would not die for their children. As soon as someone else matters more than you do in some fundamental sense, you have taken another step toward a true, mature responsibility. I do not see that you can do that without necessity, and there is nothing that screams necessity more than an infant.”
~ Jordan Peterson
“If you continue to act like an infant you’ll be a burden to your family and society, and will completely miss the meaning of life.”
~ Faith