For most of my adult life I’ve met people who have invited me to come to their church. It seems like everyone who goes to church wants you to go to their church. Not just church. Their church. I’ve never really understood that and am not big on religious institutions. After all, there are so many and the church they go to is the “right” church and all the others are “wrong.” How can that be? I always wondered.
Well, as uncomfortable as the invitations always were and my response being even more uncomfortable, I finally came up with my go-to answer.
“I’ll definitely put you on my list. But, I must warn you. There are a lot of churches ahead of yours.”
Sometimes, depending on how uncomfortable the person made me feel, I would mention one of the other churches ahead of theirs on the invite list that I know they didn’t look favorably upon. Proclaiming that I’ve got to try that church first since they asked me first. That in itself was sort of a fun game to play with the pushier types. Were they out to save me, or get me to go to their church? I don’t know. It all seemed so absurd to me.
This went on for about 30 years I suppose. I wasn’t against the idea of God or any of that. I just didn’t like the people involved. Especially the ones who “push” religion. And I don’t think I’m alone in my views.
How many times have you seen an ad on TV with a pastor or minister of some sort beckoning people to come to Jesus? The way they talk. The words they say. The way they say them. It’s all such a turn off. They’re usually old guys with southern accents. Nothing wrong with that. But why? Why would I do that? Why would I go there? Follow you? What is it about your message that has anything to do with me? They’re so deep in their “religion” that they can’t even communicate with the average person anymore. Let alone the unbeliever? How does that reach people? It certainly didn’t reach me. It was a huge turn off.
And then one day I needed to change. And I needed help. Real help.
After all I’d been through. Alcohol at 15. Car accidents. Relationship disasters. A stroke. Open heart surgery. A parent dying. Even my own divorce after 25 years of marriage wasn’t enough to bring me (figuratively) to my knees.
What brought me to the end of my struggle was a person. A simple, perfectly timed disaster of a person with whom I had had a relationship with in high school and then again shortly after my divorce. What I learned from this encounter would change my life forever.
Remember this paragraph from my first post?
“… I remember the moment I decided my life needed to change in order to move forward. It’s not that my life wasn’t moving. It was pretty darn good and exciting really. I just suddenly came to a loop where I was taken back to a younger me. A me who hadn’t moved forward.”
“I decided that version of me needed to catch up or I would repeat the behavior over and over. And this was such a huge step back in time I simply could not let it dictate the quality of my life from here on.”
After the breakup of that relationship I stood in my living room window overlooking a large beautiful landscape and said, “I need guidance. I need fathering. I need a father.”
“Enough is enough. God, please help me. I need guidance. I need a father. Life is way too short and much too good to repeat this childish behavior over and over again. I’m done. That part of me needs to grow up. Please. Can we do this?”
And now I thank God for the encounter with that person. I thank Him every single day of my life and for all the days that lead me here. This was the loop back in time that I mentioned in the beginning. Back to a version of me that hasn’t changed at all, but needed to. Desperately.
So, now I can move on from here. Maybe my story will resonate with someone who’s felt the same way. I don’t know. Maybe.
Whoever you are. Whatever it is. Make the decision to ask God for help. Have the humility to admit your way isn’t always the right way. The only way. You don’t have to tell anybody about it. Just start to identify what it is you want to change and begin with a little step toward changing it. Start with what you know you can do. Even if it’s just making your bed or cleaning your room. At least that’s a start. Trust me, you will feel good about yourself. For the bigger problem(s) in your life, stop and ask for help first. Take it one step at a time and in a manner that is different from the failed attempts you’ve made on your own. No more anger. No more spite. No more shaking a fist in the sky at a god you don’t believe in and yet constantly show contempt for. Stop. Admit you’re not right about everything there is to know about everything. It’s exhausting. Just stop.
That’s what I did.
#WhoWasFaith